THE HOLE STORY

There's a black hole in my basement
so I painted it blue
Sent my cat through
Let me know how far, how wide
and if there's another basement on the other side
Had a cuppa java
Listened to some tunes
Tapping my feet all through May and June
Summer came and fall drove by
Then winter fell from the sky
I missed my cat so I crawled down the hole
with my night vision goggles, cause I can't see like a mole
As you can imagine it was rather dark
What trees see behind the bark
Would it be crowded this time of day ?
With minstrel miners who has lost their way
Perhaps wayward cannibals hungry for a snack
Got a craving like a junkie wanna smoke me like crack
Should have brought my corkscrew or my special 38
I have a permit to carry, but not to annihilate
I don't know where I'll end up, but it seems it may be far
I'm getting rather thirsty so I hope they have a bar
A whiskey neat, make it a double please
Any more and you better confiscate my car keys
Wait, I think I see the moon
Nope, just fire igniting in the eyes of a rabid raccoon
Another struggle, it's man against beast
Should I retreat perhaps, or call for a priest ?
Seems I left my last rites next to my will
and I'm stuck with a coon ready to kill
Gentlemen chose your weapons, swords, guns, or claws
Only one shall be left standing that is the law
I brought my fists and a rubber band
It was high noon in the low lands
He's going kinda crazy, going kinda nuts
That's what he was hitting, though he was aiming for my guts
So, I'm doubled over begging for a pill
Maybe he'll think I'm dead If I'm laying completely still
I'm not a pussy, but my cat sure is
I know cause I got a litter box full of piss
I can't believe what the hell I see
My cat and the coon gettin' bizzy
That's too weird even for me
Who wants coon kittens roaming free
So I crawled home and plugged the hole
I'm buying myself a goldfish that comes with a bowl
And if you see some strange critters outside your door
Don't blame me, blame l'mour